Somebody Always Gives The Better One

You already know how it goes.

You choose something. You are pleased with it, for about a day and a half. And then the room starts assembling itself in your head.

Her sister will be there. So will the one who always finds the thing nobody else thought of. So will the couple who go in together and produce something that makes everybody put down their plate.

And by the time you get to the actual room, whatever you are carrying has already lost.

It usually has not, by the way. Most years nothing dramatic happens at all. But you have played the losing so many times in advance that the real afternoon barely gets a look in.

And there is a thing underneath that which you have half noticed and not quite said, which is that you have stopped choosing for the person entirely. You have been choosing against everybody else in the room.

There is one verse about this and it is direct enough to be uncomfortable, in a good way.

Let every man prove his own work

Here it is.

But let every man prove his own work, and then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another. (Galatians 6:4, King James Version)

Prove his own work. Test it. Weigh it. Against what, though. That is the question the verse is answering.

Against itself. Against what it was meant to do. Not against the work standing next to it.

You have been proving your work against the wrong thing entirely, and Galatians 6:4 sets the test on the work itself rather than on whatever else is in the room. The Holy Spirit is the one who chose that measure, and He chose it because it is the only one that can actually be met.

Now the second half, because it explains why the week before is so exhausting.

Then shall he have rejoicing in himself alone, and not in another.

Rejoicing in another is the phrase for what you have been doing. Your gladness about your own choice has been held in somebody else's hands. If they produce something smaller, you are fine. If they produce something larger, the thing in your hands turns to nothing on the spot.

You are carrying a gladness that somebody else keeps getting to decide, and it is written that the rejoicing belongs in the person himself alone rather than in another. The Spirit of God is the one who hands a woman her own gladness back, and He is handing yours back now.

And notice how completely the verse rules out the comparison. Not less of it. Not a healthier version of it. Alone, and not in another.

That is not a suggestion about attitude. It is a statement about where the measure lives.

You have been given somewhere else to stand, and Scripture puts the whole test inside the work rather than out in the room. The Holy Spirit is the one who moves a woman from one standing place to another, and He does it in the middle of an ordinary week.

The race nobody else entered

Let me say the plain thing about the rival, because it will help.

She has not entered. Whoever she is, the sister or the one who always finds the thing, she is not running this race. She is going to that room to see people. She has not built a version of you in her head and lost sleep over what you might be carrying.

You have been in a two person race for years and only one of you knows about it.

You are running against somebody who never turned up, and it is written that a person is to prove their own work rather than to run alongside anyone. The Spirit of God is the one who shows a woman an empty lane, and an empty lane is a relief rather than an embarrassment.

And there is a second cost, and it is the one that actually matters.

The person the thing was for has been getting the leftovers of your attention. Every hour spent working out what would survive the room was an hour not spent thinking about them, and there are not two piles of hours.

You have more attention than the room has been leaving you, and Galatians 6:4 sends a person back to their own work rather than out into the comparison. The Holy Spirit is the one who redirects what has been going somewhere useless, and He does not shame anybody on the way.

And here is the part to say gently, because you have been hard on yourself about this before.

The comparing did not start as vanity. It started because you wanted them to feel loved in a room full of people, and the room is where the loving got measured, and the measuring went somewhere it should never have gone.

You were never in this out of pride, and the written word puts the rejoicing back in the person rather than accusing them of wanting it. The Spirit of God is the one who tells the difference between a woman who wants to be seen winning and a woman who wants somebody she loves to feel chosen.

Aim at one person and let the room be the room

So here is what to do, and it is a decision made once rather than a feeling you have to manufacture.

Decide, before you choose anything, that the room does not get a vote.

Not that the room does not exist. It does, and those people will be there, and some of them will hand over something lovely. Let them. That has nothing to do with the work in your hands.

You are allowed to take the room out of it completely, and the written word says the rejoicing is in the person alone and not in another. The Holy Spirit is the one who makes a decision like that hold when the week gets close, and it will get close.

Then choose with one face in mind. Just the one.

What does that particular person actually like. What did they say. What would make them feel known on an ordinary Tuesday when nobody else is watching at all.

You have everything you need for that one face, and it is written that a person proves their own work rather than measuring it against the table. The Spirit of God is the one who brings the right detail back up at the right moment, and He has been holding it for you.

And then, the hard part, hand it over without checking the room.

Do not scan. Do not watch what is being opened three seats down. Do not wait to find out where yours came in the order. Give it, look at the person, and then go and talk to somebody.

You are free the second you stop looking around, and Galatians 6:4 puts the whole test in the work rather than in the comparison after it. The Holy Spirit is the one who keeps a woman's eyes on one face in a crowded hall, and that is the smallest and largest thing in this.