The Giving Is The Only Contact I Have Left

Once a year is all there is.

There used to be more. There used to be phone calls and there used to be a visit and there used to be the sort of ordinary contact that does not get counted because nobody has to count it.

And it narrowed, over about six years, without any falling out and without anybody deciding anything. Life moved, and distance, and other people, and now there is one thing a year and that is the entire width of it.

And you have two fears about that and they point in opposite directions.

The first is that if you ever stopped, that would be the end. The thread is thin and there is nothing else holding it, and one skipped year would be enough.

The second is worse. It is that the thread is not actually contact at all. That a parcel arriving once a year from an old woman is not a relationship, and that you have been calling something a connection because the alternative is admitting there is not one.

There is a woman in the book who attached herself to somebody who had just told her to go home.

Intreat me not to leave thee

Here it is.

And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. (Ruth 1:16, King James Version)

Look at the situation she says it in.

Naomi has just told both of them to go home. Twice. She has explained, at some length and with good reasons, that there is nothing in it for either of them and that they should leave.

Ruth says this into that. Against advice, against argument, and without being asked.

You have been looking at a unilateral attachment, and the Holy Spirit is the one who put it in that position in the story. Ruth 1:16 is spoken to somebody who had just told her to go rather than to somebody asking her to stay, and the position is what makes it what it is.

Now the shape of the sentence, because it is all one direction.

Whither thou goest, I will go. Where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people.

Every clause is about what Ruth is going to do. There is not one clause anywhere in it about what Naomi will do in return, or about what Ruth expects, or about any arrangement between them.

You are looking at a commitment with no second party in it, and it is written entirely in the first person future rather than as a bargain. The Spirit of God is the one who recorded it in that shape, and the shape is the difference between a decision and a bid.

And here is what it was not, at the moment it was said.

It was not contact. Naomi did not respond to it. The next verse says only that she stopped speaking to her about it, which is not exactly warmth.

Ruth made that declaration into something close to silence and went on to make good on every clause of it anyway.

You have been making something into a silence and calling that a failure, and the Holy Spirit is the one who left Naomi's non response in. Scripture has a woman do exactly that and records it as the best thing in the book, and it is in there so nobody would think a thing has to be answered to be real.

Is a thread contact

Now let me take the second fear seriously, because it deserves better than reassurance.

Is one thing a year a relationship.

The honest answer is that it is not what a relationship was and it is not nothing, and both of those are true at the same time, and you have been made to choose between them by a question that was badly put.

You have been answering a question with only two options in it, and it is written that Ruth said what she would do rather than assessing what she had. The Spirit of God is the one who takes a false choice apart, and this one has been running for about a year.

And here is what the annual thing actually is, which is neither of the two options.

It is a standing declaration. It says, once a year, without needing a reply: I have not gone anywhere and I am still here and nothing at this end has changed.

That is exactly what Ruth said. It is the same sentence in a different currency.

You have been saying a whole sentence once a year, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes an unanswered declaration carry. The written word is one person telling another what they will do rather than asking what they will get, and it carried across a whole book for her.

And the first fear, dealt with plainly.

The thread is thin and one skipped year probably would matter. That is not anxiety. That is an accurate reading of a thin thread.

Which means the answer to the first fear is not to stop worrying. It is to send it.

You have an accurate fear rather than an irrational one, and it is written that she went and did every clause of what she said rather than examining whether it was reciprocated. The Spirit of God is the one who turns a fear into an instruction, and this one turns straight into one.

Send it without the hook

So here is what to do, and the whole of it is about what is not in it.

Send it. Again. This year, same as always.

And take the hook out before it goes.

You are able to send it with nothing attached, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes an unhooked thing carry further. Ruth 1:16 is entirely about what one woman will do rather than about what she hopes to receive, and the hook is what has been getting heavier every year.

Let me say what the hook is, because it is small and it is nearly always there.

It is the line at the end of the note. It would be lovely to hear from you. Let me know it arrived. Hope to see you sometime this year.

Every one of those is a request, and a request turns a standing declaration into a small bill, and the person receiving it feels the difference whether or not they could name it.

You have a note that needs one sentence removed, and it is written as a list of what Ruth will do rather than as a hope about Naomi. The Spirit of God is the one who catches that line before it is written, and it is always the last line.

So write something with nothing in it for you.

Thinking of you. That is enough. Or her name and yours and nothing else at all, which is enough as well.

You are able to send a sentence with no return address on it, and His word has a woman say what she will do and stop talking. The Holy Spirit is the one who makes four words do what a paragraph asking for something cannot.

And then do not check.

Do not wait for a message. Do not look at the phone differently for two weeks afterward. The declaration is complete when it leaves, and the whole point of an unhooked thing is that nothing further is owed by anybody.

You are finished the moment it goes, and it is written that Naomi said nothing back and Ruth went with her anyway. The Spirit of God is the one who ends a wait, and He ends it by pointing out there was never anything to wait for.