I Gave Him Something For The Child He Was

He was polite about it, which was worse.

He is fifteen and he has been raised properly and he did exactly the right thing. He said thank you and he looked at you and there was nothing wrong with any of it.

But you saw the half second before that, and in the half second you understood that you had bought for a boy of twelve.

Three years off. Not a small miss. Three whole years, which at that age is a different person entirely, and you have known him since the day he was born.

And you have been sitting with that since, and it has turned into a conclusion.

Not: I got the age wrong. But: I am losing them. They are going somewhere I cannot follow and this is the first proof of it, and there will be more, and this is what the next ten years look like.

There is a verse about two different kinds of sorrow, and the difference between them is not how much it hurts.

Two sorrows, sorted by direction

Here it is.

For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. (2 Corinthians 7:10, King James Version)

Two sorrows. And notice how Paul tells them apart.

Not by intensity. Not by how justified they are. By what they produce. One works a turning, and the other works death, and the whole classification is by outcome rather than by feeling.

You have been assuming a sorrow is a sorrow, and the Holy Spirit is the one who set up that test. 2 Corinthians 7:10 sorts them by what they produce rather than by how much they weigh, and it is a test a man can actually run on himself.

Now the word in the middle, and it needs releasing from what it usually carries.

Repentance means a turn. A change of direction. It does not require that anybody did wrong; it describes a man facing one way and then facing another way.

Which means a godly sorrow is one that turns a man toward something. It moves him. It puts him in a different position from the one he was in when it started.

You are being offered a sorrow that moves rather than one that settles, and it is written that godly sorrow worketh a turning rather than a conclusion. The Spirit of God is the one who does that turning, and He is not asking anybody to feel less about it first.

And the other one. The sorrow of the world worketh death.

Death there is not dramatic. It means it goes nowhere. It sits. It produces stillness, and withdrawal, and a settled verdict, and nothing else ever comes out of it.

You have been carrying something that has produced a conclusion and no movement, and the Holy Spirit is the one who names it without condemning the man carrying it. His word names that one by what it yields rather than by anything else, and there is no condemnation in the naming.

Which one has been in the truck

So run the test, plainly, on the last few weeks.

What has this sorrow produced.

It has produced a sentence: I am losing them. It has produced a forecast about the next ten years. It has produced a small withdrawal, because a man who believes he is losing somebody starts protecting himself in advance.

None of that is movement toward a fifteen year old boy.

You have run the test and got an answer, and it is written that the sorrow of the world worketh death rather than that it feels different from the other one. The Spirit of God is the one who lets a man read his own weeks honestly, and honestly here is not the same as harshly.

And here is what the other sorrow would have produced from exactly the same event.

It would have produced a question. Who is he now. What is he actually into at fifteen. When did that change and what did I miss and how would I find out.

Same event. Same ache. Entirely different direction, and the direction is the whole of the difference.

You have the same material available for either one, and the Holy Spirit is the one who redirects a sorrow that is already running. Scripture sorts by what the sorrow works rather than by where it came from, and He redirects it rather than removing it.

And I want to say the plain thing about the miss itself.

Three years is what happens when a person changes fast and nobody has been asking. It is not a report on love and it is not the beginning of a decline. Fifteen year olds change in months, and everybody who is not living in the house is behind.

You are exactly as far behind as any grandfather alive, and it is written that the godly sorrow works a turning rather than that it proves anything about the man. The Spirit of God is the one who takes a forecast off a man, and the forecast was doing more damage than the afternoon.

Turn it toward him

So here is what to do, and it is the turn rather than a repair.

Go and find out who he is now. Not by observing him. By asking him.

One conversation, on his ground, doing something rather than sitting across a table. Ask what he is into at the moment and then ask a second question about the answer, which is the part most men skip.

You are able to turn the whole thing in one afternoon, and the Holy Spirit is the one who moves a man toward a person instead of into a forecast. 2 Corinthians 7:10 says godly sorrow worketh a turning rather than a better understanding of the past, and the moving is the entire work.

And do not mention the miss.

Do not apologize for it and do not explain that you knew. Fifteen year olds are excruciated by that conversation and he was polite about it for a reason, which is that he wanted it to be over.

The correction is not a conversation. It is the next three years of asking.

You have a repair that consists of asking rather than apologizing, and it is written that the sorrow of the world produces the settling rather than the seeking. The Spirit of God is the one who makes a question do what an apology cannot, and this one would only embarrass him.

And put something in place so it does not happen again.

Not a system. One habit. Every time you see him, ask one question about what he is doing now and write one line down afterward. Three years of that and you will never be behind again.

You are able to stay current with one line a visit, and the Holy Spirit is the one who keeps a note like that alive between visits. The written word puts the fruit of a right sorrow in the turning rather than in the remorse, and He has never once lost one.